August 5, 2007...has it been a year already?

Wow...what was I doing a year ago today? Well, it is now 10 am and my Dad had just called me from the nursing home to let me know that Mom had taken a turn for the worst and I better get over there immediately. I flew over there as quickly as I could and spent my last day with my sweet Mom. She had not been conscious since about middle of the day before. She never woke up again. But she met Jesus face to face that day!!! That fact makes it all somewhat tolerable for me...and it is the only thing that keeps me going some days. Just to know that she is safely in the arms of her Savior makes me able to deal with my grief. I don't always do it very well, but hey...she was my Mom! How do you let go of your mother?

I found myself telling God things about her...you know, stuff you would tell the babysitter when you go out so that they can attempt to care for your child the way only you can. Stuff like, "Okay God...you know that Mom doesn't like it to be hot...so crank up the A/C. She is terribly afraid of heights and small spaces, so give her some room. Oh, and please watch the chewing gum...she goes nuts when someone is smacking gum!! Oh...and she always sleeps with her glasses on, so don't try to take them off or you will wake her up. She has a really dry sense of humor, so don't let that throw you...just give her back what she dishes out and you'll be fine! Don't get her laughing too hard or she won't be able to stop laughing and then she will...um...well, she'll probably pee on herself!! She loves to sing, but she doesn't think she can. She has a beautiful voice, so could you maybe work on her self-esteem issues a bit when she gets there? Oh yes...and if you need some help decorating...give her a call...she'll fix up the throne room in no time flat. It'll be a showplace!! While your at it...give her something really cool to do up there...she is an amazing woman with a big heart and a lot of common sense and she is very very smart. She always had the right answers for me. She always gave me good advice...even though she was a bit bossy...try to overlook that. Most of all God...please just take good care of my Mom till I see her again. I still feel so very lost without her! Thank you for letting her be MY mom...of all the moms in the world that you could have given me...I got the best one!!"

God just laughs, I'm sure. In that still, small voice I hear, "I know my child...I know all about her! She is in good hands! We are having a wonderful time getting to know each other even better. It will be okay...I promise...in time."

What is it I miss about her so much? I think about that a lot in light of my own daughters. I wonder about them missing their birth mothers vs Me. But, I know that what I miss about my Mom is not that she gave birth to me...but it is our history ...what we carved out together that I crave and ache for. The wisdom, the relationship, the time, the love, the rough patches we overcame, the advice (solicited and unsolicited!) the shared experiences, the late nights, the laughter...God, the laughter, the phone calls, the yelling, the yelling??? yep...I miss that too!!!

Someone told me just before Mom died that I will never get over it, but I will simply learn how to live with the new reality. She was so right! If I allow myself to think about it all too much, I can immediately feel the same raw pain that made me not able to breathe that night. I can feel that punch in my gut that caused all the air to rush out of my lungs in total disbelief. It is all right there at my fingertips. But you know what? Sometimes I need to go there. The truth is that many days I go along in my own little world and I don't think about it too much...kind of like shallow breathing. When I need to take in some really deep breaths...I can be there in a few short seconds. I take in those deep breaths and somehow feel alive again. Then I am okay and can get back to my world again for a while longer. I will be breathing deeply today. I will be doing a lot of talking to God today. I will be missing my Mom a lot today. I will slowly be moving forward again.

~Oh thank you God for precious memories!!! Thank you that I can hear her voice in my head anytime I need to. Thank you that I can say something that Mom used to say to Daddy and a huge smile will come over his face! Thank you that time marches on and we learn and grow and are able to adapt to life as the changes come. Thank you that I can talk to you about it anytime I need to!!!! By the way...she REALLY can be bossy!!! Just take it with a grain of salt and tell her to hush!!! She's worth it!!




In HIS Mighty Grip

Does life really go on?

It is hard to take that step back into life after the hits that we have taken at our house over the last 10 months or so. I am a little skiddish to say the least. It has been just one thing after another. At the same time I am blown away by God's provision at each step of the journey. He has been so very faithful and has been such an awesome prescence through it all!! I can't even describe it...it as though God has just been leading us down this absolutely crazy path that has more twists in it than I care to discuss, but he just keeps saying, "follow me...I know where we are going. It is all under control"
So, I will post about a happy moment in my precious Aly's life today...
After a day of running around town on errands in the HEAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We decided to go to our neighbors house with the girls and take them for a swim. They have been so sweet to open up their pool to us and today was definately THE DAY. So off we went.
Aly is absolutely FEARLESS and in the pool is no exception. she has a floaty thing that she wears over her bathing suit. She loves it and just flings herself into the pool over and over and over as though nothing could stop her. So, after swimming for a bit, David asked her if she would like to take the floaty off and see how she could do without it. Of course...she was total GAME!! So, off it came and we floated awhile, and she went back and forth between David and me a number of times. I was so very proud of her...she was really doing very very well. We commented that by the end of next week she should be a pro. I reminded her that when she got out of the pool not to go jumping in like she was used to doing since she didn't have the floaty on. About that time she said that she needed to visit the bathroom. So, out of the pool she charged and a few minutes later she came running up to the pool and didn't even slow down...IN SHE CAME...into the deep end no less!!!!! David and I both about had heart failure and either one of us could have easily challenged Mark Spitz to a race across the pool to get her. As we got close I realized that she had popped up to the surface, her eyes were wide open and her mouth was firmly closed. She wasn't at all in a panic, she was just treading the mess out of that pool water! David plucked her out of the water in one quick move and attempted to stuff his heart back down his throat. It took us a while to recover, but she was okay. I asked her if she was scared. She said "no"
Of course not!!
Kind of like earlier in the week when I was having a "moment" she climbed up in my arms and said, "Mom, it's okay, Hunny is in Heaven with Igma, Great Aly and Jesus"
Out of the mouths of babes...thank God for my babes!!!
Off to bed. Praying for good sleep and a peaceful night for my Dad..I can't even imagine what is swirling around in his head I can't even begin to imagine how he is putting one foot in front of the other right now!!
Thanks everyone for the continued prayers and support!!!

In HIS Mighty Grip~

Praise HIS name, she is at home.

Here are the light of Carolyn's eyes singing and having a good time with their "Hunny". We were blessed that they could see her one last time and that she was able to enjoy their visit.

Dear family and friends,

Carolyn Thomas Skinner, age 63, went home to be with her beloved master and savior Jesus the Christ last night around 9:20pm. It was a peaceful homegoing as Shelley and her Dad and several close friends were there. She simply stopped breathing and left her body to be with Jesus. What a burden has been lifted and yet the sorrow is so overwhelming so please remember our family at this time. Shelley especially needs your prayers as she learns to cope with life without her Mom. I am just sort of getting used to the fact that I will not be able to pick up the phone and call mine and here comes the unbelievable news about Carolyn.

God is soverign and in control and we thank Him for all his blessings. The best one we can think of now is the life we will celebrate at Carolyn's memorial service. She was a remarkable woman full of love and generous with her ideas and skills. I will always be thankful to her for the wonderful job she and Gary did raising their amazing daughter and my wonderful wife.

I am so overwhelmed by the Holy Spirits peace at this moment. Thank you for your prayers and love. Please, please continue to lift up Shelley and Gary.

Carolyn's Memorial service will be at Ancient City Baptist Church, St. Augustine Florida on Saturday August 11, 2007 at 11:00 am.

In leiu of flowers it was Carolyn's request that any memorials in her honor be made to Ancient City Baptist Church Building fund, 27 Sevilla Street, St. Augustine FL, 32084.

Still waiting ...still trusting...

Hi everyone. First of all let me say that I am overwhelmed by the emails and phone calls of support and love that we have received. I am truly blessed!!
Mom has now been moved to a nursing home. I don't understand Insurance companies...oh, I guess they think you can die cheaper in a nursing home than you can in a hospital!! They made us move her yesterday. She was so very depressed as we were getting her settled...it nearly broke my heart.
Let me back up to David's last post. Mom had the reaction to the Morphine and she never really came out of it. She ended up with high levels of CO2 in her system. Because of her size and also her sleep apnea and the fact that she is flat on her back in the bed, she is unable to get rid of the CO2, so her O2 levels are continuing to drop and the CO2 levels are continuing to rise. She sleeps a lot and when she is awake she is very confused and talking out of her head. Sometimes she knows she isn't making sense and sometimes she gets very angry at me for thinking that she isn't making any sense...is any of this making any sense???? Anyway, they are telling us that this will continue and eventually the CO2 levels with get high enough that she will go to sleep and just not wake up. Praise God...then she will be free from the terribly broken body that she is in and she will be resting in her Heavenly Father's arm forever!!!!!!!!!!!!
She is in a lot of pain, so my Dad has authorized them to give her however much Morphine she needs to be pain free. We know that this will cause her CO2 levels to rise because it effects her respiratory system and thus expidite her passing, but we know that it will also be a painless way to go!!! So we spend our days and nights (someone is with her 24/7) by her bedside explaining everything to her over and over and trying to comfort her as she talks crazy stuff.
I have prayed that God will be merciful and not let her suffer or linger a second longer than HIS will would dictate. I don't want her to go, but I don't want her to suffer even more!
My Dad is really limping along through all of this. It is really taking a huge toll on him..I just don't know how much more he can take. I am asking for many prayers for him. For strength, for courage, for peace and sweet sleep when he comes home and tries to rest. He isn't sleeping well and is so very tired. That David and I will have the right words to comfort him, that he will seek God through it all and draw closer to him!!
Obviously the Dr.'s don't know how much longer Mom has with us, but they say that it most likely will be days. So we are still waiting...still trusting in our Father's love to get us through it all...

Continue to pray for us...please

Here is Carolyn with her "rubber ducky". Ready for her sponge bath. This picture was taken a few days before the current hardship she is in.



Poppy and his girls are enjoying some fresh boiled peanuts.



Here is Lili trying to escape before Aly gets to her and swings her around like that sock monkey.





Greetings Dear Friends and Family.
I am posting today instead of Shelley because she is worn out emotionally and somewhat physically and she asked me to do it. I don't mind as I just like so many of you find it cathartic and somewhat healing to share thoughts and needs with others via the internet. So let me take the opportunity to give thanks to our Heavenly Father for giving us this medium in which to share.

Having said all that, I am posting once again and asking for your continued prayers. Shelley's Mom has taken an unexpected and quick turn for the worse and it has shaken her tremendously. We expected that Carolyn might be around for the next few months at least and that during that time Shelley would have the opportunity to spend time and learn and love and grow as much as she could from her relationship with her mother.

Carolyn did not respond too well to some pain medication and it caused her to go "loopy" and begin to be incoherent. This kept on for some hours and her breathing began to be affected so If Shelley had not made the medical staff pay closer attention her mother may not have made it through the night. She was in a nonresponsive condition this morning at 8:00 am and they were going to move her into ICU. Shelley called me very distraught and was so scared that her mother's time was at hand. "I'm not ready for her to go". I can remember those words going around and round in my own mind not too long ago. I don't know if I would have ever been truly ready. So you can see the heartache we are all experienceing and need for your prayers and support.

Her mother came back a little today and although she has responded more this is just a short glimmer of light as her light will continue to grow steadily dimmer. We know the light of the world and although His light is truly all we ever need we none the less will miss our loved ones and espesially or mother's.

Sorry that maybe this post hasn't been completely coherent because of lack of good sleep and a thousand other things running through my brain (and around our living room). We are in need of direction as to what to do after Carolyn goes to be with Jesus. We have several options but we want to make sure that we are hearing and obeying GOD's will for our family.

Thank you and God bless all of you for your love, prayers and support. Call us for updates on Carolyn and our family if you like. A friendly voice is such a healing balm at times like these.
Shelley's cell phone (615) 574-9222, and mine is 9060.



Just a small smile brightens our lives.

Love to you all.
We continue to be as we will ALWAYS be
In HIS MIGHTY GRIP
David, Shelley, Aly, Lili and Bailey.

Mom...what do you think heaven will really be like

Hi everyone...it is about 4 something in the morning and I couldn't sleep so I thought I would try to post and update.

We got my mother back to St. Augustine this past Saturday from Gainesville. It was a harrowing two hour ambulance ride with her in a GREAT deal of pain, but we made it. She is now back at Flagler hospital. We are trying to figure out what to do from there. Most likely a nursing home, but we have to see what their insurance will cover. She wants so badly to come home, but with two broken legs and other health issues I just don't know how we can manage that. I promised her I would explore all options.

Yesterday was pretty emotional...we started talking about lots of stuff...the stuff that nobody wants to talk about. We started letting some emotion bubble out as the reality of our situation begins to take shape. We started preparing for the future...the next few months and also the future without my Mom. I can't believe that I am saying that...she is only 63!!! For whatever His purpose is... this is the road that God has led us down and we will walk it with as much grace and strength as we can muster!!!

Please continue to pray for our family. Not only my Mom and Dad , but for David , me and the girls as well. Please pray that Daddy will come through this with a renewed faith. He doesn't "do" change very well and he is facing his entire world being rocked to the core. Pray for David as he struggles to find a place to put this in his head along side the death of his own mother just a month ago. Aly and Lili as they don't really have a clue what is going on...they just know that Mommy is not around every day and when I am I am either crying like and idiot or trying to find patience to deal with them without damaging them for life!!! And for me, that I will become the mother that my own mother thinks I am. She has such faith in me to raise my kids and I just don't know how I am going to do it without her!!!

Okay, so I must go try to get another few hours of sleep..today is another long day.

Thanks to you all for the precious and wonderful notes and emails you have sent to give us your support!!! They mean the world!!

In HIS Mighty Grip...

Content in ALL things.

This is David posting for Shelley. It may look a little different but she wanted to get the message out to everyone so they could go to the power and ask for His will. For those of you who don't know from the last post, we came to Florida to help Shelley's Mom after she fell and broke her leg, and both hips. We have since been on the roller coaster of misinformation and disinformation and frustrations galore to discover that her mother has bone cancer that has metastasized from her bought with breast cancer about 10 years ago.



Needless to say this has really kicked us in our gut. Totally unexpectedly and so many fears (which we know are not from God) concerns and mind numbing thoughts that understandably come at a time such as this especially on the heels of my own mother's death as a result of Cancer.



I am sharing this with you to ask you as our brothers and sisters in the faith to be in prayer for Shelley's mother, and father and Shelley as they face this dreaded disease and seek God's direction and peace.



When we got to Florida, we found that Carolyn had broken her left tibia and right hip. (According to the doctors etc.) then after another CT scan. They discovered that she had broken her femur and BOTH hips. THEN they discovered that she had broken both femurs at the hip on both legs. Needless to say the roller coaster of not knowing for sure was taking it's toll. Then they partially determined that they would do surgery to replace her ball joint and they were going to do it like right away. So apparently the Lord stepped in and said "Excuse me gentlemen who THINK you know everything, just a minute here. You NEED to get some more information". SO they discovered that they could not do the surgery in St. Augusine but needed to do it at a more specialized hospital in Gainsville or Jacksonville. We were praying it was Jacksonville because it is closer and an easier drive but it turned out to be Gainsville. So be it.



They transferred Carolyn on Monday and did some more scans and tests and whatever else they could to make sure they were doing the right thing. Just by act of God, Shelley was talking with an anesthesiologist about the upcoming surgery of her mom and the Doctor mentioned something about the myloma Carolyn had which totally wrecked her head and made her wonder WHAT THE HECK they were talking about. SO Shelley got on her hiking boots and determined to find out. Long story short, they finally got the details that the CT scan had shown multiple lesions all over Carolyn's body (skeleton) and they would be doing a bone biopsy to determine the organ of origination for the cancer. They believe currently that the cancer came from her breast cancer years ago. We should find out definitively Friday or Monday.

According to the Doctors this type of Cancer is incurable. It is hard to type that because I don't think that is in my bible or in God's vocabulary. SO we are asking if God wills it that He cure this one. That blind man never thought He would see either. All I know is Shelley needs her Mom for a lot longer and our noodles need a Grandmother.

Shelley is doing as well as to be expected. She is an only child and as much as I would like to fix this for her I can't. I now since the frustration she must have felt only a few months ago as I was going through the pain of facing my Mother's mortality. She certainly needs your specific prayers to lift her up and give her peace and health. Our own health has suffered as a result of all the stress over the past year. But God is good. We love him so. What a wonderful savior who loves us beyond our comprehension. I don't know how people without Jesus make it through times like these.


Please pray for us all. I am being Mr. Mom with the GOD SENT help of Chelsea. If you didn't know, Chelsea was one of our girls at the Children's home who loved us enough to come and visit and WANTED to, imagine that!!! Her mother was always one of our staunchest supporters and was glad to have her come and see us. It was just one day after she got there that Carolyn fell and the rest is as they say...history.



Our noodles are doing GREAT. It consistently amazes me on a daily basis how smart our girls are. They are SO flexible and adjustable and loving and strong. God knew what He was doing when he gave us to each other. And just a note for all you future adoptive parents... those waiting through the endless days and nights of "I WANT MY BABY NOW!!!" God knows what He is doing, even if we don't. Therefore I defer to my brother Paul and agree with him in what he wrote to our brothers and sisters in Phillipi.




"...for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, to be content. I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need.
I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me."

Philippians 4:11-13



Content in all things. This too shall pass. I didn't think I would make it without my Mom and here it is over a month. Time heals all. Our noodles just love to play. I wish I were a noodle again sometimes.



Love to you all,

David, Shelley, Aly, Lili and Bailey.

Family emergency...won't be blogging for a bit

Hello all...I'll just jump right in and let you all know what is going on.

We got a phone call from my Dad the other night about midnight saying that the worst had happened. Mom was trying to get back into her wheelchair and got her feet twisted up and went to the floor. They were on their way to the ER and he would call when he knew something. Well, I'm not good at waiting!!!! I must have called them in the ER 400x before morning!!! Anyway...fast forward to today. Her left hip is broken and her right Tibia is fractured!!!!!!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They were going to surgery today on the Left hip to replace the ball (the joint is apparently okay). But then they determined that it would be more than they could handle at this hospital. So, she is back in her room and awaiting word of where they will transfer her to do the surgery.

I am heading down there tomorrow. Please pray for traveling mercies and for my Mother and for my Dad's sanity through it all!!!!!

I doubt I will be able to post from Florida, but then again...stranger things have happened. I will most likely post when I get back.

In HIS Mighty Grip...

here are a few pics of my Mom with Aly. I was in a hurry and couldn't seem to find any more recent ones...these are from back when we brought Aly home.