Saturday, July 5, 2008

An accounting of yesterday...

Well, David is officially 47 now. Or as he would say, "I have successfully completed my 47th year and am now heading into my 48th year of life" I know...I know...he's a "wierdie" I sure do love my 47 year old Wierdie!! We had a great day celebrating his birthday!! The girls got everything ready and we woke him up right on schedule. They had a are the pictures...

Daddy-Man and his babies
Then they decided to get me in on the action...

We had planned to haul all the food out to the pool, but then said forget it and we just ate inside and then headed out to the pool . We had a blast, forgot to bring the camera out with us and we didn't get out of the pool until something like 6:30 last night!! It was wonderful. A totally relaxed and fun day!

Oh, I forgot about the birthday hat that the girls decorated for David. This is the first year that I let them do it ALL by themselves. Absolutely NO HELP WHATSOEVER from me. You have no idea how hard it was to completely walk away and tell them to "go for it." Everything in me wanted to help and add something and make it a little different. But, I didn't do it. I let them do it all by themselves. Actually it was just Aly...and she did a great job! The hat was hilarious...and absolutely beautiful!!!

I know that this picture cuts off part of Lili's face, but I think it is such a beautiful picture of her!! She looks so grown up!!
You can't see all the decorations very well, but you get the idea!! :-)
Something else happened yesterday that I found very important. While we were out swimming in the pool, I noticed a couple of times that Aly was kind of withdrawn a bit. At first I thought it had to do with the fact that Lili was getting a lot of attention as she is in the early stages of learning to swim now too. Aly was just floating along in the deep end or she would get out of the pool and just sit in her chair. Finally I kept asking her to talk to me and tell me what was wrong and she finally did. In her softest, sweetest little voice she said, "I was thinking about my birth-mother" I thought I was going to sink to the bottom of the pool!!! It totally hit me out of left field...I was in no way expecting her to say that. I guess she was thinking about it as it was David's birthday, but it was so sad. I asked her what she was thinking about and she said that she was thinking that she couldn't remember her and she didn't know why. I explained to her that she was just a tiny baby when she last saw her birth-mother and there was no way she could remember her. She then asked me the question I have debated in my head for nearly three years and how I would answer it. She said, "What do you know about her?" WOW...I actually know NOTHING about her and Aly knows that, but she needed something...she needed to know my heart. So, I told her what I believe in my heart of hearts to be true. Among other things, I told her that she probably looks a lot like her birthmother and that she probably acts like her in many ways. I also told her that she is probably a very smart woman because she is so smart. Then we had a conversation about "traits."

Without going into details of Aly's abandonment here on the blog, I will say that I told her that I believe with every fiber of my being she was loved by her birthparents. I believe that because of several reasons. Regardless, I told her that God had a plan for her life from the very beginning and whatever the circumstances of her abandonment, she is loved loved loved. She got back in the pool and hugged me and told me that she loved me and then she was just fine.

Whew...jumped that hurdle...oh many more will there be? I'm glad I don't know when the hurdles will be coming...I don't think I could take it! :-)

~Father...please help David and I as we come up to these hurdles in our babies lives. Give us the words that would honor you and show your love for them above all else!! We know that you ordained...before the foundation of the world...that these girls would be in our care for this time to raise...and you can answer all their questions and heal all of their wounds!!!!~

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was
made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." Psalm 139: 13-16

This verse comforts me for my girls...I pray that it will be a source of comfort for them as they grow and begin to question their lives. David and I will ALWAYS point them to God for those answers...I pray that they will quickly learn to seek HIM themselves for those answers!!

Okay...well, that was our day. I hope that you had a wonderful day too and that you made lots of wonderful memories for your families. I know we did!!
In HIS Mighty Grip~


Amy Jo said...

Sweet Shelley - Thank you so much for sharing. I know that all adoptive moms need to hear your words of wisdom and love. Aly is such a precious girl! (And one who inspired our very adoption of Sara!) I'm so glad God gave you the exact words that your girl needed to hear. Give her a big hug from her "Chatty Auntie Amy" :-) A Happy, Happy Birthday to Mr. David! Hugs to the Swindlers! - Amy

Esther's mom said...

I think you addressed Aly's questions wonderfully. I can only hope I will be as calm and eloquent when Esther starts asking those question. Thanks for the update.

a Tonggu Momma said...

Wow, Shelley... those conversations are TOUGH - especially when you aren't expecting them (like, at the pool). It sounds like you handled it using the TRUTH and LOVE... really, that's all we can do. Hugs to you and Aly. I know those conversations can feel draining.

Oh, beautiful photos, too!

prechrswife said... always know these conversations are coming, but you never know exactly when. It sounds like you handled it great.

Love the pictures. Our girls had the same shirts, but theirs are the gray version. :-)

Anonymous said...

Oh wow Shellbell. You had part of that conversation NOW?!? Geez! I'm so not ready for that. SO NOT!

My Becca is just happy to be going to Vacation Bible School and Awanas! She's already wanting to pick out stuff for her SCHOOL next year! Where is the time?! HELLO!?!?


lillian08 said...

Girl, you are one wise, wise woman!!!!
I have giving a lot of thought lately about the day that Lilli will come to me with these questions...
You're so awesome and I personally want to say thanks, for sharing your very intimate conversation with precious Aly!
Glad David had a wonderful birthday...the pictures are priceless!! :o)
Love you,

Susan said...

Thats amazing she put it all together at such a young (and tender) age!!! It truly is difficult to answer the questions ahead and I think you did a beautiful job.

I have decided not to use the term 'mother' to E'beth when discussing China and how she came into our family. I don't know whether it's right or wrong, but we are telling her 'a nice lady carried you in her tummy' while Mommy and Daddy were waiting for China to tell us it was ok to come and bring you home.

She seems to accept this happily and knows that "I" am Mommy. Who knows?! This will be a never ending learning curve for me!! :)

(PS. bear w/ us on the lovely ladies we had in our studio :) .. Cort has been swamped and we will get them to you as soon as possible!!! :)