August 5, 2007...has it been a year already?

Wow...what was I doing a year ago today? Well, it is now 10 am and my Dad had just called me from the nursing home to let me know that Mom had taken a turn for the worst and I better get over there immediately. I flew over there as quickly as I could and spent my last day with my sweet Mom. She had not been conscious since about middle of the day before. She never woke up again. But she met Jesus face to face that day!!! That fact makes it all somewhat tolerable for me...and it is the only thing that keeps me going some days. Just to know that she is safely in the arms of her Savior makes me able to deal with my grief. I don't always do it very well, but hey...she was my Mom! How do you let go of your mother?

I found myself telling God things about her...you know, stuff you would tell the babysitter when you go out so that they can attempt to care for your child the way only you can. Stuff like, "Okay God...you know that Mom doesn't like it to be hot...so crank up the A/C. She is terribly afraid of heights and small spaces, so give her some room. Oh, and please watch the chewing gum...she goes nuts when someone is smacking gum!! Oh...and she always sleeps with her glasses on, so don't try to take them off or you will wake her up. She has a really dry sense of humor, so don't let that throw you...just give her back what she dishes out and you'll be fine! Don't get her laughing too hard or she won't be able to stop laughing and then she will...um...well, she'll probably pee on herself!! She loves to sing, but she doesn't think she can. She has a beautiful voice, so could you maybe work on her self-esteem issues a bit when she gets there? Oh yes...and if you need some help decorating...give her a call...she'll fix up the throne room in no time flat. It'll be a showplace!! While your at it...give her something really cool to do up there...she is an amazing woman with a big heart and a lot of common sense and she is very very smart. She always had the right answers for me. She always gave me good advice...even though she was a bit bossy...try to overlook that. Most of all God...please just take good care of my Mom till I see her again. I still feel so very lost without her! Thank you for letting her be MY mom...of all the moms in the world that you could have given me...I got the best one!!"

God just laughs, I'm sure. In that still, small voice I hear, "I know my child...I know all about her! She is in good hands! We are having a wonderful time getting to know each other even better. It will be okay...I promise...in time."

What is it I miss about her so much? I think about that a lot in light of my own daughters. I wonder about them missing their birth mothers vs Me. But, I know that what I miss about my Mom is not that she gave birth to me...but it is our history ...what we carved out together that I crave and ache for. The wisdom, the relationship, the time, the love, the rough patches we overcame, the advice (solicited and unsolicited!) the shared experiences, the late nights, the laughter...God, the laughter, the phone calls, the yelling, the yelling??? yep...I miss that too!!!

Someone told me just before Mom died that I will never get over it, but I will simply learn how to live with the new reality. She was so right! If I allow myself to think about it all too much, I can immediately feel the same raw pain that made me not able to breathe that night. I can feel that punch in my gut that caused all the air to rush out of my lungs in total disbelief. It is all right there at my fingertips. But you know what? Sometimes I need to go there. The truth is that many days I go along in my own little world and I don't think about it too much...kind of like shallow breathing. When I need to take in some really deep breaths...I can be there in a few short seconds. I take in those deep breaths and somehow feel alive again. Then I am okay and can get back to my world again for a while longer. I will be breathing deeply today. I will be doing a lot of talking to God today. I will be missing my Mom a lot today. I will slowly be moving forward again.

~Oh thank you God for precious memories!!! Thank you that I can hear her voice in my head anytime I need to. Thank you that I can say something that Mom used to say to Daddy and a huge smile will come over his face! Thank you that time marches on and we learn and grow and are able to adapt to life as the changes come. Thank you that I can talk to you about it anytime I need to!!!! By the way...she REALLY can be bossy!!! Just take it with a grain of salt and tell her to hush!!! She's worth it!!




In HIS Mighty Grip

a time for everything...

Well, I guess my 30 year old midget really does get it...most of it...on many different levels. Oh where to begin...

For the last few nights at bedtime, Aly has been asking a lot about marriage, falling in love, her Daddy and I, etc. Last night it all kind of came to a head in her little brain. She has one of our wedding pictures on her bedside table...it is her favorite. (She used to bring it into our bedroom with her when she would sleep over with us.) Anyway, last night she looked at it and asked if that was the only picture I had of when her Daddy and I got married. I told her that there was a big album on the shelf and asked her if she would like to see them. Of course she did. So she and I sat on her bed and looked through our wedding album. She thoroughly enjoyed herself!

Then she started getting all weird acting again...much like at the pool the other day. I asked her what was wrong and she finally said that she didn't know how to say it. I told her to go for it and even if she said it wrong we would figure it out together. So she finally mumbled something about not wanting to ever get married. She said that she would miss us too much and she would always be our daughter and she would never leave us like that. HOLY COW...it all clicked in my pea brain. She was associating getting married with Abandoning US!!! We then had a LONG talk about how that is not what happens when you get married and that when you marry your husband you are SUPPOSED to cling to him and go to live with him and not with your Mommy and Daddy anymore. I told her that was how God designed it. I reminded her of all the times we called her grandparents and visited them...that we didn't "leave them", we just started a new life with each other and that one day, God willing, she would do the same thing. (I also assured her that we would never let her marry anyone who wouldn't agree to our terms...building a house here on this property right next to our home so we could see her daily!! She thought that was hilarious!!) I assured her that marriage was a LONG way off in her future and that she would be an adult when that happened and that she would feel differently by then.
Oi Vei!!!! I can't believe my FOUR YEAR OLD is going to these places in her little FOUR YEAR OLD brain!!!! God help me when she gets to be a teenager!!!
Oh...speaking of God helping me. Any guesses where Aly is at the moment?? Well, she just came in and asked me if there was anything I needed her to do because she wanted to go into her room and close the door for a little while. I asked her if she was alright. She said, "Yes, I'm fine...I just need to regroup!" Then she looked at Lili and said, "It wouldn't hurt you to go regroup a little while too!!"

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under
heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to
uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to
build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to
dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to
refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw
away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to
speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for
peace." Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Well, I guess my little munchkin has a lot to learn about times and seasons...but she is well on the way. Maybe we will start memorizing this verse...perhaps it will help her to get it all straight!!

~Abba...thank you for my amazing children. Please keep my words right and give me divine discernment when it comes to my girls. Help me to know their hearts and minds in amazing ways so that I can help them to be amazingly God-ly equipped for what you have planned for them- Amen~

In HIS Mighty Grip~

Were home ...it is done!!

Hello everyone. I have gotten so many phone calls wondering what was going on and begging for updates...sorry...it has been nuts the last few days. So, here is the update...

The house closed with minimal hitch late Friday afternoon. David and his sister didn't even see the woman...she signed her papers and they ushered her out, then David and Beth signed their stuff and left. I think that was a smart move on the part of the lawyers as both David and Beth were ready to kill!!
:-)

Anyway, Friday night we all went out for a celebratory dinner at Zorba's in Columbia. (If you are ever in Columbia and are looking for good food...Zorba's is it!!) Then, after a long day of trying to get loose ends tied up and then driving for about 5 1/2 hours...we are finally HOME!!!

Daddy, who was coming out of his skin to see his baby girls, had a big pot of Gumbo waiting for us. I have never seen someone who was so excited to see a 4 and a 2 year old!! It was so sweet...he really really really missed them!!

We were so tired...didn't even unpack the car! We just ate, cleaned up the kitchen and went to bed about10:30 or so last night. Lili fought me tooth and nail, but she was out minutes after I put her in the crib. It is now about 10:30 AM and I am the only one awake. I decided to get a jump on the laundry and try to get as much unloaded from the car before it gets too too hot outside. Too late! :-)

Anyway, I cannot even begin to express how I feel that the weight of the world has been taken off of our shoulders!! David was visibly less stressed all the way home yesterday. I hadn't realized how much of a toll it had taken on him until I watched him yesterday in the car. Such a huge difference!! Thank you God!!!

We were talking a lot in the car and we both feel like we can now START our lives again. After we left the Children's Home, we were just beginning to get our feet under us when the rollercoaster started and we have just been hanging on for dear life ever since. This was just one of several more issues on our backs, but it was the biggy...and now it is done!!!!

So, now we get to spend some serious time together and with God and get our lives back on track!! David has a book to finish and income to generate, we have a foundation to start, I have a home to organize and two beautiful children to teach and create a life for!!!!! I feel like we have been stuck wading through all of our memories for so long that we have forgotten about making new ones for our baby girls!! I know that God has wonderful plans for our family. I know we were not meant to be stuck in this muck and mire forever...and now we are coming out of it. A time of testing followed by a time of blessing.

Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8
To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

Thanks to everyone for all the neverending prayer support. I feel like I have been asking for prayer for so very long now. Thank you to those of you who held on and stuck with us through all of this!!!

Off to switch out the laundry... :-) Pictures to come...I won't forget!!

In HIS Mighty Grip...Shelley

Inquiring minds want to know...

NO...WE HAVE NOT CLOSED ON THE *&%$^*(*&^&*** @$*# HOUSE YET!!!!

We are leaving Johnson City tomorrow after a wonderful few days spent relaxing and seeing old friends. We are heading back to Columbia and hopefully will close either tomorrow or Friday. YEAH RIGHT!!! How many times have we heard that story???? I'll believe it when I am holding that check in my hands and am on the way to the bank to cash the blasted thing!!!

I know...it is all in God's timing!! whatever!!!!

It has been wonderful to spend this time here visiting in JC and we are looking forward to getting back home, with the house closed and FINALLY able to start our life again for the first time in so many many many months!!!

Okay...so that is about it.

Still don't have pictures uploaded yet, but I promise to post amazing and wonderful pictures of our amazing and wonderful children very very soon. Yes I promise to post videos too Stacey!!!!

Keep praying...love to you all!!

Shelley

Emergency prayer warriors needed!!!

Okay folks...we need some serious prayers and I am turning to you all for help. I cannot go into great detail about the situation, but we really need prayer!

I am nearing the end of my rope and my husband is farther down than I am at the moment. We are up against a huge wall right now and we just can see no way out. There is not even any light!! There are no cracks, no holes, and apparently no top sides or bottom to it!! Apparently God has us here and has kept us here for the last 18 or so months for some purpose of His. But it is getting really bad and the next few days/weeks are going to be tough to say the very least.

As specific as I can get:
~ pray for widsom for David as he tries to resolve this
~pray for calm and peace for David as he tries to figure out what to do about the current situation
~pray for his health as he tries to keep the ulcer calm and not have a heart attack or a stroke at the same time from all the stress.
~pray for me as I try to keep it all together between us, the girls and my father. Pray that I can keep things on an even keel so that the girls don't have to go through any more and so that the tension in our house doesn't get any worse.
~pray for an end to the valley we have been in for over a year now...it just keeps getting worse and we are at our wits end.
~pray for God to send some relief, some answers, some relief, some blessings, some relief, and that he will show us out the way to get out of the pit that we are in. David and I both feel like we have been trudging in a mud swamp for so long now.
~pray for Godly friends for both David and I. We desperately need friends in our lives right now.
Especially David. When we moved from Johnson City, David lost two of his dear friends and he really needs someone in his life!

I'm sorry this is so cryptic. I wish I could say more, but I cannot. Please lift us up in prayer.

In HIS Mighty Grip~
Shelley

The North Face of God

Ken Gire, in his book The North Face of God, says, “When suffering shatters the carefully kept vase that is our lives, God stoops to pick up the pieces. But he doesn’t put them back together as a restoration project patterned after our former selves. Instead, he sifts through the rubble and selects some of the shards as raw material for another project—a mosaic that tells the story of redemption.”

I don't know what is happening, but I feel like God is beginning to move. At least he is beginning to move in me. It is small, tiny increments...like the beginning of a glacier melting. At first I was not even sure of the movement at all. But it is there. I can't describe it accurately. I really can't put it into words as I don't really understand it myself. But I feel it...somewhere down deep...somewhere only God and I go...somewhere I haven't been in a long time.

"For there is hope for a tree,
When it is cut down,
that it will sprout again,
And its shoots will not fail.
Though its roots grow old in the ground And its stump dies in the dry soil,
At the scent of water it will flourish
And put forth sprigs like a plant."~Job 14:7-9

I think I am beginning to smell water!!!

~Shelley

Sizzling in the Wok...the need for peace...

I have started a second blog. Not to replace this one, but to compliment it. It is called "Blessings in the Wok" (click here) and it is in response to my hearts desperate need for some relief!!

Please stop by and check it out...maybe you will be inspired!

In HIS Mighty Grip

Shelley

Feeling Blue today?

I woke up this morning in a bit of a funk. Well, truthfully I have been in a funk for some time now. I just can't seem to shake it and all the circumstances in my life right now aren't helping one little bit. Each day has become a sliding scale of how deeply into the hole I am entrenched...never seeming to get completely out of it. Those days that I'm not to far in I muster up enough to find things I am thankful for and it really does help! (Thanks Shellee)
A thankful heart really can change your perspective!
This morning I was surfing around to some of my favorite blogs and I found it. Something a little stronger than just being thankful. So, zip on over the Sue's blog, Praise & Coffee, and see if her words can help you get out of your funk this morning. Or maybe her words will give you the ammo you need to help someone else out of their funk! Either way...thank you Sue!!!

...Calm and New Beginnings...

Happy 2008 to you all!!! I must admit that I have been really looking forward to saying goodbye to the year 2007. As the holidays got closer all I could remember was hearing my mother. About a week before she died, we were talking about so many things and she said, "Shelley, do you think I will be here for Christmas this year?" I told her that we just didn't know, but deep down I think we both knew that she wouldn't. I began to steel myself up for the next few months in anticipation of just getting through the holidays. We made it okay ...that is until yesterday. Yesterday was New Years Eve and my 41st birthday. I had a rough day. It was much worse than Christmas day. David had a rough day too. We both just wanted to talk to our Moms. I just moped all day and did a good bit of crying. I was trying to stay busy, but it was just no use. I was miserable thinking about how much I missed my Mommy. Aly kept coming up to me, hugging me and singing Happy Birthday and...well...to tell you the truth, that was about all that kept my head above water.
We went out to dinner for my birthday and Dad was, well...very grumpy and quiet. It was akward to say the least. We did try to enjoy my birthday dinner and then came home and David, the girls and I just hung out in our bedroom and had some fun playing. Some good friends called about 9pm and said they were on their way over with some Champagne and so the day did end good...about about 12:30am!! :-)
I was talking with David as we were trying to figure out why today hit us both so hard, I think I figured out that we were prepared for Thanksgiving and Christmas to be hard and were mentally prepared a bit. But I wasn't expecting it to hit me for my birthday or the New Year and so we got kind of blindsided.
I have so many expectations of this new year. I am praying for a more peaceful year for our family. I am praying for a repreive from the spiritual testing for us all. But, then I remember that my most important prayer is for God's will to be accomplished through our family...whatever that brings!! A year ago I couldn't imagine it getting worse...but it certainly did. We have survived...a few scars, but God has been here with us through it all.
I was watching a Halmark channel movie the other day and a quote really stuck out at me..."The truth of God's love is not in that He allows bad things to happen, but it is His promise that He'll be there with us when they do." You know, I have had the discussion so many times about God allowing bad things to happen to decent people and I realized with this statement that it doesn't really matter and it isn't the point anyway. The point is that he is with us when they do. God has been with me for so long now. But, especially through all the chaos of this last 18 months or so in our family. I can't imagine how people get through struggles like these without the love of God to carry you! I can't imagine getting through any of the big things in life without the Love of God to carry you!! There have been so many times where I physically felt Him walking (Physically and spiritually) for me when I couldn't.
So, now we have moved into the next year of our lives. I have no idea what God has in store for us. I am excited to see how he will use us in the year 2008. I am thankful that somehow, through all of our failures, God still sees fit to use us at all!!!!
My hopes are for a bit more simplicity (good heavens...have you seen our house???) and for some time to heal and renew as a family and as a woman/wife/mother. I want to focus on my children more this year instead of dragging them through it like they did this past year. Thank you God that my children are so flexible!! :-) I want to focus on my husband and my relationship more this year...we have definately gotten lost in the shuffle.
So, if you want to do something for us this year, please remember to pray for us. Pray for God to direct us and heal us, strengthen us and guide us and set our steps exactly as HE wants them for 2008.
I will pray the same for you!!
Please leave me a comment if there is any way that I can pray for you or anything I can do for you!!
God Bless you as you start into this year!! May God richly bless you in all the ways that He sees fit for you. May He guide you in all the ways that will bring Glory to Him. May you be used of HIM in MIGHTY Ways over these next 12 months!!!
In HIS Mighty Grip~

You won't even believe if I tell you....

Okay...so today was Mom's memorial service. It was just what she would have wanted. Not to much, not too over the top, but very very nice. Lots of music, laughter and a gathering of many friends and family to celebrate the life of my mother. After the service, the church had a luncheon for us in the fellowship hall. We made it home in the afternoon sometime.

Shortly after we got home, put all the food away, peeled all of our totally wet clothes (great golly it was hot today...we were all soaking wet!!) and began to get settled down from the days events, the phone rang. My cousin (Dad's brother's son) called. He asked where we had been and said that he had been trying to get us since after the memorial service. He said that he was glad I answered the phone and he would leave it to me to tell my dad. After the service he had gone to his Dad's house to let him know how the service went. (My uncle is old and sickly and wasn't able to attend). Anyway, when he got to his Dad's house he found him dead. Yes, you read that right...MY DAD'S BROTHER DIED TODAY...THE SAME DAY THAT HE MEMORIALIZED HIS WIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How much more Lord????

My uncle has been sick for sometime. By all rights he should have died several years ago, but he continued to hang on. I do not understand God's timing in this. A few minutes after we broke the news to Daddy he said, "This is just like when Dad and Curtis died" That would be his father (my G-father) and his older brother (my uncle). They both died within four hours of each other of totally unrelated causes when I was in the 9th grade. It was a total nightmare. Anyway, Dad did seem to take it pretty well, but I continue to worry for him. This has been a very overwhelming few weeks for my precious Dad...please continue to lift him up in prayer!!

David is heading back to our home the first of the week to begin the process of selling off furniture of ours that we won't need and packing up our stuff and bringing the first load of essentials back to us here in Florida. This is going to be a touch few months until we can get all of our stuff under one roof. There is a lot that has to happen here at my Dad's house before we can bring all of our stuff here too. A lot of rearranging and getting rid of stuff. It is going to be very wierd rearranging my parents house...it has looked basically like this for most of my life.

Please continue to lift us all up as we struggle through these times. A lot of changes to deal with and a lot of changes coming down the pike.

In HIS Mighty Grip~

Does life really go on?

It is hard to take that step back into life after the hits that we have taken at our house over the last 10 months or so. I am a little skiddish to say the least. It has been just one thing after another. At the same time I am blown away by God's provision at each step of the journey. He has been so very faithful and has been such an awesome prescence through it all!! I can't even describe it...it as though God has just been leading us down this absolutely crazy path that has more twists in it than I care to discuss, but he just keeps saying, "follow me...I know where we are going. It is all under control"
So, I will post about a happy moment in my precious Aly's life today...
After a day of running around town on errands in the HEAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We decided to go to our neighbors house with the girls and take them for a swim. They have been so sweet to open up their pool to us and today was definately THE DAY. So off we went.
Aly is absolutely FEARLESS and in the pool is no exception. she has a floaty thing that she wears over her bathing suit. She loves it and just flings herself into the pool over and over and over as though nothing could stop her. So, after swimming for a bit, David asked her if she would like to take the floaty off and see how she could do without it. Of course...she was total GAME!! So, off it came and we floated awhile, and she went back and forth between David and me a number of times. I was so very proud of her...she was really doing very very well. We commented that by the end of next week she should be a pro. I reminded her that when she got out of the pool not to go jumping in like she was used to doing since she didn't have the floaty on. About that time she said that she needed to visit the bathroom. So, out of the pool she charged and a few minutes later she came running up to the pool and didn't even slow down...IN SHE CAME...into the deep end no less!!!!! David and I both about had heart failure and either one of us could have easily challenged Mark Spitz to a race across the pool to get her. As we got close I realized that she had popped up to the surface, her eyes were wide open and her mouth was firmly closed. She wasn't at all in a panic, she was just treading the mess out of that pool water! David plucked her out of the water in one quick move and attempted to stuff his heart back down his throat. It took us a while to recover, but she was okay. I asked her if she was scared. She said "no"
Of course not!!
Kind of like earlier in the week when I was having a "moment" she climbed up in my arms and said, "Mom, it's okay, Hunny is in Heaven with Igma, Great Aly and Jesus"
Out of the mouths of babes...thank God for my babes!!!
Off to bed. Praying for good sleep and a peaceful night for my Dad..I can't even imagine what is swirling around in his head I can't even begin to imagine how he is putting one foot in front of the other right now!!
Thanks everyone for the continued prayers and support!!!

In HIS Mighty Grip~

Praise HIS name, she is at home.

Here are the light of Carolyn's eyes singing and having a good time with their "Hunny". We were blessed that they could see her one last time and that she was able to enjoy their visit.

Dear family and friends,

Carolyn Thomas Skinner, age 63, went home to be with her beloved master and savior Jesus the Christ last night around 9:20pm. It was a peaceful homegoing as Shelley and her Dad and several close friends were there. She simply stopped breathing and left her body to be with Jesus. What a burden has been lifted and yet the sorrow is so overwhelming so please remember our family at this time. Shelley especially needs your prayers as she learns to cope with life without her Mom. I am just sort of getting used to the fact that I will not be able to pick up the phone and call mine and here comes the unbelievable news about Carolyn.

God is soverign and in control and we thank Him for all his blessings. The best one we can think of now is the life we will celebrate at Carolyn's memorial service. She was a remarkable woman full of love and generous with her ideas and skills. I will always be thankful to her for the wonderful job she and Gary did raising their amazing daughter and my wonderful wife.

I am so overwhelmed by the Holy Spirits peace at this moment. Thank you for your prayers and love. Please, please continue to lift up Shelley and Gary.

Carolyn's Memorial service will be at Ancient City Baptist Church, St. Augustine Florida on Saturday August 11, 2007 at 11:00 am.

In leiu of flowers it was Carolyn's request that any memorials in her honor be made to Ancient City Baptist Church Building fund, 27 Sevilla Street, St. Augustine FL, 32084.

Still waiting ...still trusting...

Hi everyone. First of all let me say that I am overwhelmed by the emails and phone calls of support and love that we have received. I am truly blessed!!
Mom has now been moved to a nursing home. I don't understand Insurance companies...oh, I guess they think you can die cheaper in a nursing home than you can in a hospital!! They made us move her yesterday. She was so very depressed as we were getting her settled...it nearly broke my heart.
Let me back up to David's last post. Mom had the reaction to the Morphine and she never really came out of it. She ended up with high levels of CO2 in her system. Because of her size and also her sleep apnea and the fact that she is flat on her back in the bed, she is unable to get rid of the CO2, so her O2 levels are continuing to drop and the CO2 levels are continuing to rise. She sleeps a lot and when she is awake she is very confused and talking out of her head. Sometimes she knows she isn't making sense and sometimes she gets very angry at me for thinking that she isn't making any sense...is any of this making any sense???? Anyway, they are telling us that this will continue and eventually the CO2 levels with get high enough that she will go to sleep and just not wake up. Praise God...then she will be free from the terribly broken body that she is in and she will be resting in her Heavenly Father's arm forever!!!!!!!!!!!!
She is in a lot of pain, so my Dad has authorized them to give her however much Morphine she needs to be pain free. We know that this will cause her CO2 levels to rise because it effects her respiratory system and thus expidite her passing, but we know that it will also be a painless way to go!!! So we spend our days and nights (someone is with her 24/7) by her bedside explaining everything to her over and over and trying to comfort her as she talks crazy stuff.
I have prayed that God will be merciful and not let her suffer or linger a second longer than HIS will would dictate. I don't want her to go, but I don't want her to suffer even more!
My Dad is really limping along through all of this. It is really taking a huge toll on him..I just don't know how much more he can take. I am asking for many prayers for him. For strength, for courage, for peace and sweet sleep when he comes home and tries to rest. He isn't sleeping well and is so very tired. That David and I will have the right words to comfort him, that he will seek God through it all and draw closer to him!!
Obviously the Dr.'s don't know how much longer Mom has with us, but they say that it most likely will be days. So we are still waiting...still trusting in our Father's love to get us through it all...

Continue to pray for us...please

Here is Carolyn with her "rubber ducky". Ready for her sponge bath. This picture was taken a few days before the current hardship she is in.



Poppy and his girls are enjoying some fresh boiled peanuts.



Here is Lili trying to escape before Aly gets to her and swings her around like that sock monkey.





Greetings Dear Friends and Family.
I am posting today instead of Shelley because she is worn out emotionally and somewhat physically and she asked me to do it. I don't mind as I just like so many of you find it cathartic and somewhat healing to share thoughts and needs with others via the internet. So let me take the opportunity to give thanks to our Heavenly Father for giving us this medium in which to share.

Having said all that, I am posting once again and asking for your continued prayers. Shelley's Mom has taken an unexpected and quick turn for the worse and it has shaken her tremendously. We expected that Carolyn might be around for the next few months at least and that during that time Shelley would have the opportunity to spend time and learn and love and grow as much as she could from her relationship with her mother.

Carolyn did not respond too well to some pain medication and it caused her to go "loopy" and begin to be incoherent. This kept on for some hours and her breathing began to be affected so If Shelley had not made the medical staff pay closer attention her mother may not have made it through the night. She was in a nonresponsive condition this morning at 8:00 am and they were going to move her into ICU. Shelley called me very distraught and was so scared that her mother's time was at hand. "I'm not ready for her to go". I can remember those words going around and round in my own mind not too long ago. I don't know if I would have ever been truly ready. So you can see the heartache we are all experienceing and need for your prayers and support.

Her mother came back a little today and although she has responded more this is just a short glimmer of light as her light will continue to grow steadily dimmer. We know the light of the world and although His light is truly all we ever need we none the less will miss our loved ones and espesially or mother's.

Sorry that maybe this post hasn't been completely coherent because of lack of good sleep and a thousand other things running through my brain (and around our living room). We are in need of direction as to what to do after Carolyn goes to be with Jesus. We have several options but we want to make sure that we are hearing and obeying GOD's will for our family.

Thank you and God bless all of you for your love, prayers and support. Call us for updates on Carolyn and our family if you like. A friendly voice is such a healing balm at times like these.
Shelley's cell phone (615) 574-9222, and mine is 9060.



Just a small smile brightens our lives.

Love to you all.
We continue to be as we will ALWAYS be
In HIS MIGHTY GRIP
David, Shelley, Aly, Lili and Bailey.

Mom...what do you think heaven will really be like

Hi everyone...it is about 4 something in the morning and I couldn't sleep so I thought I would try to post and update.

We got my mother back to St. Augustine this past Saturday from Gainesville. It was a harrowing two hour ambulance ride with her in a GREAT deal of pain, but we made it. She is now back at Flagler hospital. We are trying to figure out what to do from there. Most likely a nursing home, but we have to see what their insurance will cover. She wants so badly to come home, but with two broken legs and other health issues I just don't know how we can manage that. I promised her I would explore all options.

Yesterday was pretty emotional...we started talking about lots of stuff...the stuff that nobody wants to talk about. We started letting some emotion bubble out as the reality of our situation begins to take shape. We started preparing for the future...the next few months and also the future without my Mom. I can't believe that I am saying that...she is only 63!!! For whatever His purpose is... this is the road that God has led us down and we will walk it with as much grace and strength as we can muster!!!

Please continue to pray for our family. Not only my Mom and Dad , but for David , me and the girls as well. Please pray that Daddy will come through this with a renewed faith. He doesn't "do" change very well and he is facing his entire world being rocked to the core. Pray for David as he struggles to find a place to put this in his head along side the death of his own mother just a month ago. Aly and Lili as they don't really have a clue what is going on...they just know that Mommy is not around every day and when I am I am either crying like and idiot or trying to find patience to deal with them without damaging them for life!!! And for me, that I will become the mother that my own mother thinks I am. She has such faith in me to raise my kids and I just don't know how I am going to do it without her!!!

Okay, so I must go try to get another few hours of sleep..today is another long day.

Thanks to you all for the precious and wonderful notes and emails you have sent to give us your support!!! They mean the world!!

In HIS Mighty Grip...

Content in ALL things.

This is David posting for Shelley. It may look a little different but she wanted to get the message out to everyone so they could go to the power and ask for His will. For those of you who don't know from the last post, we came to Florida to help Shelley's Mom after she fell and broke her leg, and both hips. We have since been on the roller coaster of misinformation and disinformation and frustrations galore to discover that her mother has bone cancer that has metastasized from her bought with breast cancer about 10 years ago.



Needless to say this has really kicked us in our gut. Totally unexpectedly and so many fears (which we know are not from God) concerns and mind numbing thoughts that understandably come at a time such as this especially on the heels of my own mother's death as a result of Cancer.



I am sharing this with you to ask you as our brothers and sisters in the faith to be in prayer for Shelley's mother, and father and Shelley as they face this dreaded disease and seek God's direction and peace.



When we got to Florida, we found that Carolyn had broken her left tibia and right hip. (According to the doctors etc.) then after another CT scan. They discovered that she had broken her femur and BOTH hips. THEN they discovered that she had broken both femurs at the hip on both legs. Needless to say the roller coaster of not knowing for sure was taking it's toll. Then they partially determined that they would do surgery to replace her ball joint and they were going to do it like right away. So apparently the Lord stepped in and said "Excuse me gentlemen who THINK you know everything, just a minute here. You NEED to get some more information". SO they discovered that they could not do the surgery in St. Augusine but needed to do it at a more specialized hospital in Gainsville or Jacksonville. We were praying it was Jacksonville because it is closer and an easier drive but it turned out to be Gainsville. So be it.



They transferred Carolyn on Monday and did some more scans and tests and whatever else they could to make sure they were doing the right thing. Just by act of God, Shelley was talking with an anesthesiologist about the upcoming surgery of her mom and the Doctor mentioned something about the myloma Carolyn had which totally wrecked her head and made her wonder WHAT THE HECK they were talking about. SO Shelley got on her hiking boots and determined to find out. Long story short, they finally got the details that the CT scan had shown multiple lesions all over Carolyn's body (skeleton) and they would be doing a bone biopsy to determine the organ of origination for the cancer. They believe currently that the cancer came from her breast cancer years ago. We should find out definitively Friday or Monday.

According to the Doctors this type of Cancer is incurable. It is hard to type that because I don't think that is in my bible or in God's vocabulary. SO we are asking if God wills it that He cure this one. That blind man never thought He would see either. All I know is Shelley needs her Mom for a lot longer and our noodles need a Grandmother.

Shelley is doing as well as to be expected. She is an only child and as much as I would like to fix this for her I can't. I now since the frustration she must have felt only a few months ago as I was going through the pain of facing my Mother's mortality. She certainly needs your specific prayers to lift her up and give her peace and health. Our own health has suffered as a result of all the stress over the past year. But God is good. We love him so. What a wonderful savior who loves us beyond our comprehension. I don't know how people without Jesus make it through times like these.


Please pray for us all. I am being Mr. Mom with the GOD SENT help of Chelsea. If you didn't know, Chelsea was one of our girls at the Children's home who loved us enough to come and visit and WANTED to, imagine that!!! Her mother was always one of our staunchest supporters and was glad to have her come and see us. It was just one day after she got there that Carolyn fell and the rest is as they say...history.



Our noodles are doing GREAT. It consistently amazes me on a daily basis how smart our girls are. They are SO flexible and adjustable and loving and strong. God knew what He was doing when he gave us to each other. And just a note for all you future adoptive parents... those waiting through the endless days and nights of "I WANT MY BABY NOW!!!" God knows what He is doing, even if we don't. Therefore I defer to my brother Paul and agree with him in what he wrote to our brothers and sisters in Phillipi.




"...for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, to be content. I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need.
I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me."

Philippians 4:11-13



Content in all things. This too shall pass. I didn't think I would make it without my Mom and here it is over a month. Time heals all. Our noodles just love to play. I wish I were a noodle again sometimes.



Love to you all,

David, Shelley, Aly, Lili and Bailey.

Family emergency...won't be blogging for a bit

Hello all...I'll just jump right in and let you all know what is going on.

We got a phone call from my Dad the other night about midnight saying that the worst had happened. Mom was trying to get back into her wheelchair and got her feet twisted up and went to the floor. They were on their way to the ER and he would call when he knew something. Well, I'm not good at waiting!!!! I must have called them in the ER 400x before morning!!! Anyway...fast forward to today. Her left hip is broken and her right Tibia is fractured!!!!!!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They were going to surgery today on the Left hip to replace the ball (the joint is apparently okay). But then they determined that it would be more than they could handle at this hospital. So, she is back in her room and awaiting word of where they will transfer her to do the surgery.

I am heading down there tomorrow. Please pray for traveling mercies and for my Mother and for my Dad's sanity through it all!!!!!

I doubt I will be able to post from Florida, but then again...stranger things have happened. I will most likely post when I get back.

In HIS Mighty Grip...

here are a few pics of my Mom with Aly. I was in a hurry and couldn't seem to find any more recent ones...these are from back when we brought Aly home.

We are finally home...

Well, just after I posted that last post, David's laptop crashed!!! Gotta love it. Anyway, sorry for no news. I didn't have much time to post after that anyway.
Here is a picture of David's Mom and then one of she and Aly.



Some of you already know, but for those of you who don't, David's Mom passed on to be with our Lord last Thursday morning. He spent the day with her on Wednesday and the girls and I came to pick him up around 9:30 that night. He said that he told her that if the Angels come a knocking that it was okay to go with them. Well, they came knocking and on to Paradise she went!! Praise God...no more pain or suffering!!!!



The funeral was beautiful and she would have been so pleased. All of the pall bearers and even the pastor wore Hawaiian shirts!! David did too and everyone who attended was asked to wear bright festive colors to celebrate her life and that fact that she was in Paradise with her Savior!!! What a wonderful send off it was.



Now we learn to live without her. It is not easy, as those of you who have buried parents well know. But, we will get through it and move on and tell our beautiful babies about their grandmother...Igma...as Aly called her. Please remember to pray for David as he makes this tough adjustment to life without his mom. They were very close and it is going to take a lot of getting used to!!!



~Shelley

Hello from South Carolina

Well, we made it and spent the afternoon with David's Mom yesterday. She was asleep for most of the visit, but it was good to see her and for the girls to see her as well. The nurse finally told us that she would most likely sleep the rest of the day and so we came on back to the hotel. It was so good to get in the pool with them and relax for a bit. David's sister, her husband and our nephew came over to swim with us.
Lili looked so cute with her ladybug float! She was NOT AT ALL happy with this whole pool/water thing, but she finally relaxed and began to enjoy it a little bit. Aly, on the other hand just jumped right in and was about three steps from spastic the entire time. She absolutely LOVES the water and would stay in it all day if we would let her. This is the first time she has been swimming since last summer, so I thought she might be a tad cautious until she got used to it again, but NO WAY JOSE!!! She kept swimming up to Lili and telling her it would be alright and that it was just water and it wouldn't hurt her. She really had a good time with her cousin Christopher and can't wait for them to come back later today.
Lili is enjoying our stay in the hotel. We all tried to bunk together in the big bed, but one night of no sleep was quite enough thank you!!! So, last night we pulled out the sleeper sofa and propped pillows under the edge of the matress and Lili had her own bed all to herself. She LOVED it. She promptly pulled the sheet and the blanket up over her head, took one long SIGH and passed out for the duration.
Okay...so one more Lili/Aly story and then I will add some pics and end this.
We didn't get into town the other night until about 1am. I really thought the girls would be asleep since they didn't sleep all day traveling, but they were wide awake and ready to go. We had to stop by the grocery store to pick up a few things for breakfast and such and I just left them in the car with David. I fully expected to come out to the car and find them all losing their minds, crying and frustrated wanting to get out of the car, but instead David said that Aly started trying to tickle Lili with her foot (both of them in their carseats). He said that Lili started laughing and Aly kept trying and it made Lili laugh harder. Then Aly started laughing and before he knew it they were just cracking each other up having a blast! The funniest things will make little girls laugh, won't they?? I love it!!!!
Okay so I was going to post some pics since I am on David's laptop, but I can get them to post...so I'll try to get him to help me figure it out tonight.

Bye for now...
~

Happy Thursday Well, it is another crazy day around here. We are trying to get everything together to get out of town either late tonight or early tomorrow morning to get down to South Carolina. David's Mom is very very sick and we don't know how much longer she will be with us, but not much is going right to expidite our leaving. The AC died on our car last week as David was coming back home from SC. We thought it was something minor, but now we have had the whole system evacuated, and some switch replaced and it still won't work. ARGH!!!!! So, David is running around all over trying to find someone who can find out what it wrong and fix it today. It is so hot out and the thought of driving 8 hours with two little ones and a dog without AC just does NOT make me one bit excited!!!Please pray for us and that this will all be resolved quickly and CHEAPLY!!!!The girls are, of course, oblivious to anything that is going on. They are so funny!! All Aly wants to do is go play in the front yard and Lili is sleeping in the pack n play (read: screaming and throwing things out of the pack n play while yelling "MAMMA" at the top of her lungs)She is so very different at 18 months than was Aly. She is still very very much a baby, where as Aly was already a 30 yr old when we got her at 12 months!! I have enjoyed having a baby this time for the most part. I didn't get to experience it the first time.Lili has started this thing...we do it about 500 x per day!!! She says, 'Mama?" I say "Yes, Lili" she says, "I did it!" I say, "You did?"she says, "Yeeeessssss"I say, "I'm so very proud of you!!"she just smiles and laughs with delight. We have no idea what she actually did, but she is awefully proud of whatever it is!!!! :-)

added later...
Well the AC is fixed!!!!!!!!!!! Don't know what it was...don't care...it works...it's COLD!!!!!!!! WHOOO HOOOO. Anyway...don't know when we are heading to SC, but I'll post when we get back.